Edward, Prince of Wales

Long autograph letter signed (with his initial 'D') to his mistress Freda Dudley Ward, reading "16 March 1920 (11.00pm) My darling beloved precious little Freddie, I've just read your most marvellous sweet and divine letter sweetheart and what a huge comfort it is to me this first and lonely night on the ocean far away from You my beloved one!! Christ how utterly down and out and miserable I am angel tho at the same time all the divine things you say make my deep down happiness so so great and real!! There's only one thing in the world I want and that is YOU sweetie and that YOU love me so that when you say you do I can't help feeling happy and comforted deep down however sad I may feel on top!! Freddie darling how I'm thinking and thinking of you and loving you, loving you to-night angel; it all seems so unnatural that you aren't on bd here with me and that you can't accompany me on this long 7 months trip which it is hard to realise that I've started on!! I find it very difficult to write to-night sweetheart and I'm such a sleep head so that I think I'll go to bed very soon and lay my sad tired head on your darling little pillow which is the joy of my life. I gave Bertie lots of messages for you at Portsmouth before he left the ship which I hope he'll give you anyway tomorrow!! I found going out of harbour a great strain on my self control and all but cried like a baby again; luckily I was able to keep my feelings down to mere misty eyes. I never knew I could cry like I did those last precious 5 mins together beloved tho it did me worlds of good and as you say its so marvellous to know we both feel the same about parting "hard for you but hard for me too". I dined with the staff same as before plus Dickie and the Admirals secretary paymaster Lt. Comm. Janion R.N. a sad little party and conversation didn't flow!! We tried a few new records on the gramophone but when Dickie put on 'The Land of Might have been" I had to beat a hasty retreat to my cabin in; and now I'm sobbing!! Oh if only you knew how ill from grief I feel to-night Fredie my precious darling one its such complete and devastating hell to have left you for 7 months and I can't realise I'm not going to see sou to-night. I'm sort of waiting for you angel and feel you'll be coming into my cabin in a few mins to comfort me and make me happy again. 17 March (11.00 pm) At last I've found some proper writing paper sweetheart, I like this crest that they've devised for the ship and only wish i had started on one of these block sheets last night as I loathe double sheets to write on!! But after all that's such a detail as every thing else is now that i'm parted and separated from you my precious darling beloved one. Oh!! What a sordid and depressing and sad day it has been angel with quite a swell and the quarter deck awash so that i haven't been on deck all day!! But it's not blowing hard and one doesn't feel much in this huge ship and my cabin is very comfy, in fact luscious as all our cabins are. We are getting settled down by degrees tho it always takes a few days anyhow for ME and I can never get really settled down!! My only happiness is derived from your darling sweet presents and souvenirs, particularly your divine photos darling which I've stuck up all round my cabin! It's a proper 'Fredie's picture gallery'. I hope you don't mind beloved one but it's my only comfort to be surrounded by you on paper and am so proud that other people should see you in a dozen different poses all around my cabin!! How I love all my photos sweetie and how precious they are to me so far from you. Oh! hell getting further away from YOU!! My two real friends who are a link with you are Joey and Dicky; poor old Joey is nearly as sad as I am and so down and out while Dicky is keen and cheery about everything tho of course he is such a baby!! But he's a very clever boy and goes out of his way to be nice and kind and sympathetic and attentive to me as I think he guesses a little how I'm feeling. I'm so glad I've got him with me and I think we are going to be great friends or as much as our different ages will allow as of course he is terribly young. But he's bene such a help to me today angel and am grateful to him [...] 18th March (11.30 pm) We've had a movie show after dinner so I'm later than I meant to he. What a rotten form of amusement but it breaks the monotony of life at sea a little bit. But I hate movies now sweetheart when I think there's a chance of you going into them if only for a short time Christ!! How I hope you won't tho I suppose it would be silly for you to refuse a good offer!! But you are far too marvellous and divine to go on the movies Fredie darling; how I long and wish that you should never be troubled by money matters as you never ought to be!! A fine day and less wind tho there's still quite a swell. I didn't turn out till noon again and so have made up some of the lost sleep tho I tried the squash court this evening and had 5 good games with Godfrey followed by 1/2 hr's medicine ball and some deck hockey and I feel ever so much better for resuming exercise again!! I'm no use if I haven't been able to get hot! Dickie has been sitting in my cabin for 'A hr while I undressed and has told me all his "love affairs" as he calls them!! Ile makes me laugh sweetie particularly when he mentions the word loye!! How far off from that he is if only he knew tho I'm glad he is at his age as he couldn't possibly understand at his age as he couldn't possibly understand. I've told you so often beloved one that its only when we are separated that I really understand how madly and desperately I love you darling darling; that must seem and sound so silly to you and yet it is the truth and I can't think how I'm going to exist 7 months without YOU!! It is a very great strain angel besides being such hell and misery tho I revel in it all and am at the same time so so happy that I can feel like that and Christ! I do feel like that!! I left you officially and shall be official until I return to you sweetheart and don't want it to be otherwise or rather it wouldn’t make any difference to my feelings if it were otherwise!! I love you love you Fredie darling precious beloved one and no power on earth can ever make me even look at another woman!! Bless you bless you and bonne nuit amour. 19th March 11.00 pm) Such a divine bright warm afternoon sweetheart and that means day to me as I didn’t turn out till Noon. Still rather a swell but no wind perfect weather as it will be getting hot next week and a battle cruiser isn’t ideal in hot weather. I had ... squash with Godfrey at 4.00 pm and have been reading the rest of the time, just started that amazing book -Susan Lennox" terribly sordid its going to be I think but instructive as a study of human nature!! You know angel, I think a book of that sort is good for me in my present state; you know me as no one else does and you know what a baby and what a backward
baby I am and such a book gives one an insight into the lower world which it is hard for me to in any other way!! But its essentially a man's book you would loathe it sweetheart and I should hate to think of you reading it!! But it does bring out a man's love if he is in love as desperately as I am. I do feel that our love is so so sacred and holy my beloved one and I still cant get over that last most marvellous and heavenly of divine letters that you gave me to read after we had sailed on Tues. that last glorious sentence when you said you loved me as people loved once long ago, as they love no more and as they will never love again!! Oh!! mon amour if only I could make you realise that those words first express my own feelings tho of course I could never write like that you know I never can express myself properly either in words or on paper!! Now I admire you and look up to YOU angel most lovely and marvellous and brilliant of women; I feel more strongly than ever that fate and time will bring us together for ever some
day my blessed dar ling. I'm obsessed with that thought and idea more and more each hour since we parted and feel confident that something will happen some day that will make me belong to you legitimately not that I could ever feel I belonged to you more than I do now!! Again bonne nuit and bless you. 19th March (11.30pm) Of course I've been desperately Fredie sick (my form of home sickness) ever since we sailed sweetheart but I've never felt it as I have today as tonight; particularly as it being Saturday night at sea we drank the usual toast at dinner "sweethearts and wives" and I very nearly broke down!! You won't believe it Fredie darling but its more than the truth tho I hope no one noticed!! I feel so utterly lost and hopeless without you my precious darling angel. I knew I should feel like this before we parted but I never guessed I wld feel it as much as I do!! It's the most fearful hell imaginable tho I'm happy too as not only everything I do but everything I think of is coupled with YOU my beloved one!! You could
never never be out of my thoughts for one instant however much I tried to fight against it and you know I would never fight and why should I since I love you and you love me? Nothing matters. How I'm just living for your first letter which might just catch me at San Diego. We've had bad weather all to-day passing thro the Azores; we were in sight of one of the islands of the group all the forenoon tho as usual your little boy was in bed till Noon so that he didn't see it and didn’t want to!! One place is much the same as another so long as you aren’t there and I've ceased to take any interest whatever sweetheart!! We hope to reach Barbados Thurs 25th March by increasing our speed by 1 knot which we did at Noon tho there's been quite a sea running and consequently a certain amount of movement tho nothing to matter in this huge ship!! I had my game of squash this afternoon and other exercise and I'm shortening up my food to get thinner sweetie which you'll be pleased to hear!! I'm no good on these official trips if I don't keep myself terribly fit and I can only do that by eating little, working hard and taking lots of exercise. I nearly go crazy when I think of where we were this time last week; at Trent my beloved one tho if I remember rightly we were sad that night as I was such a sleepy head and we both cried!! Still those marvellous weekends are so divine to remember and to think about; I suppose you
are down at Lympone this week end look at the cottage Philip is going to lend you for the summer and which alas I've never seen which I resent!! Then as you know I hate Philip doing all these things for you sweetheart while I can do nothing of material use. But Fredie darling darling I can and I do love you love you madly and desperately angel you know; I've done that ever since I first set eyes on you only I suppose it was a baby's love till you educated me and brought me to my right senses!! Oh! how I blush and how ashamed I am when I recall the many foul and unkind things I've said and done to you utterly unwittingly and in ignorance!! What a unique divine sweet darling angel you are my beloved one to have allowed me to remain on in your life despite them all.I can never even start to thank you for that or for everything else sweetie; how you've spoiled me these last 4 months till I've become such a blasé little David and its not till I've left you that I realise how much you've changed me and improved me since my return from Canada!! Its amazing darling one and I've become more of a man and less of a boy I can feel that; and if only we could live to-gether I would become of some use perhaps and have a will of my own and be strong!! But alas I'm not strong by nature and so have to rely on other people for help in my work and have to be bolstered up tho I know its silly and unnecessary if only I had some guts and besides absolutely wrong!! However my beloved I promise for your sake to try and mend myself and to develop a will of my own and be more independent in both my thoughts and actions. I can never hope to make good if I don't make an effort and above all be true to myself as you've so often told me to be mon amour!! What a lot I've written tonight Freddie mine but I could go on for hours longer I've so much to say tho I'm a sleepy head again to-night and you'll be anyway wiv me for sitting up late if it isn’t to be with you!! And you know I feel just like that too sweetie and don't ever want to sit up late during th is trip except to write to YOU!! As a matter of fact I'm going to finish this letter now as its getting so bulky and start another to-morrow;
and I know you like lots of short letters sooner than a few long ones and so do I darling!! I just love opening your letters as it thrills me so much and I promise to post more often on this trip tho of course I'll write something to you every night!! Then you shall our diary by instalments which Dicky is writing up each day; not a pompous one (as of course Joey is still on that) but a private diary for the staff which is supposed to be more or less funny tho I doubt if it will be!! Anyway I hope it will be lighter reading and then of course I'll send all photos!!", 16 pages in total, some creasing and folding marks, on board HMS Renown, 16-19 March 1920; including the original mailing envelope address in the Prince of Wales's hand and featuring a black spider seal on the reverse ( a present from Mrs Dudley Ward)